Edgar Allan Poe to John Allan — 1831-01-03 — reading text

Edgar Allan Poe to John Allan — 1831-01-03 Historical letter date: 1831-01-03. Source edition: Mary Newton Stanard, Edgar Allan Poe Letters Till Now Unpublished, 1925, letter twenty-four. This is repository machine OCR of the printed transcription; spelling and recognition errors remain. Consult the accompanying local scan excerpt and manuscript facsimile. The transcription prints 1830 in the dateline; the edition contents and supplied checklist identify this West Point letter as January 3, 1831. The historical printed wording is retained. [Source scan page 289] LETTER NUMBER TWENTY-FOUR Weft Point, JanX 3^ 1830. Sir, I suppose, (altho ? you desire no further communica- tion with yourself, on my part,) that your restriction does not extend to my answering your final letter. Did I, when an infant, sollicit your charity and protection, or was it of your own free will, that you volunteered your services in my behalf? It is well known to respectable individuals in Baltimore, and elsewhere, that my Grandfather (my natural protestor at the time you interposed) was weathy, and that I was his favourite grand-child But the promises of adoption, and liberal education which you held forth to him in a letter which is now in possession of my family, induced him to resign all care of me into your hands. Under such circumstances, can it be said that I have no right to expert anything at your hands ? You may probably urge that you have given me a liberal education. I will leave the decision of that question to those who know how far liberal educations can be obtained in 8 months at the University of Va. Here you will say that it was my own fault that I did not return You would not let me return because bills were presented you for payment which I never wished nor desired you to pay. Had you let me return, my reformation had 253 [Source scan page 290] 254 EDGAR ALLAN POE LETTERS been sure as my condud: the laft 3 months gave every reason to believe and you would never have heard more of my extravagances. But I am not about to proclaim myself guilty of all that has been alledged againft me, and which I have hitherto endured, simply because I was too proud to reply. I will boldly say that it was wholly and entirely your own mistaken parsimony that caused all the difficulties in which I was involved while at Charlottesville. The expenses of the institution at the loweft estimate were $350 per annum. You sent me there with $i 10. Of this $50 were to be paid immedi- ately for board $60 for attendance upon 2 professors and you even then did not miss the opportunity of abusing me because I did not attend 3. Then $15 more were to be paid for room-rent remember that all this was to be paid in advance with $110. $12 more for a bed and $12 more for room furniture. I had of course, the mortification of running in debt for public property - against the known rules of the institution, and was immediately regarded in the light of a beggar. You will remember that in a week after my arrival I wrote to you for some more money, and for books You replied in terms of the utmoft abuse if I had been the vilest wretch on earth you could not have been more abusive than you were because I could not continue to pay $150 with $110. I had enclosed to you in my letter (according to your [Source scan page 291] LETTER NUMBER TWENTY-FOUR 255 express commands) an account of the expenses incured amounting to $149 the balance to be paid was $39 you enclosed me $40, leaving me one dollar in pocket. In a short time afterwards I received a packet of books consisting of Gil Bias, and the Cambridge Mathematics for in 2 vols: books A which I had no earthly use since I had no means of attending the mathematical lectures. But books muft be had, if I intended to remain at the institution and they were bought accordingly upon credit. In this manner debts were accumulated, and money borrowed of Jews in Charlottesville at extrava- gant interest for I was obliged to hire a servant, to pay for wood, for washing, and a thousand other necessaries. It was then that I became dissolute, for how could it be otherwise? I could associate with no Students, except those who were in a similar situation with myself altho' from different causes They from drunkenness, and extravagance I, because it was my crime to have no one on Earth who cared for me, or loved me. I call God to witness that I have never loved dissipation Those who know me know that my pursuits and habits are very far from anything of the kind. But I was drawn into it by my companions. Even their professions of friendship hollow as they were were a relief. Towards the close of the session you sent me $100 but it was too late to be of any service in extricating me from my difficulties I kept 17 [Source scan page 292] 256 EDGAR ALLAN POE LETTERS it for some time thinking that if I could obtain more I could yet retrieve my character I applied to James Gait but he, I believe, from the beft of motives refused to lend me any I then became desperate and gambled until I finally involved myself irretrievably. If I have been to blanne in all this place yourself in my situation, and tell me if you would not have been equally so. But these circumstances were all unknown to my friends when I returned home They knew that I had been extravagant but that was all I had no hope of returning to Charlottesville, and I waited in vain in expe6tation that you would, at leat, obtain me some employment. I saw no prospeft of this and I could endure it no longer. Every day threatened with a warrant &c. I left home and after nearly 2 years condudt with which no fault could be found in the army, as a common soldier I earned, myself, by the mot humiliating privations a Cadet's warrant which you could have obtained at any time for asking. It was then that I thought I might venture to sollicit your assistance in giving me an outfit I came home, you will remember, the night after the burial If she had not have died while I was away there would have been nothing for me to regret Tour love I never valued but she I believe loved me as her own child. You promised me to forgive all but you soon forgot your promise. You sent me to W. Point like a beggar. [Source scan page 293] LETTER NUMBER TWENTY-FOUR 257 The same 1 difficulties are threatening me as before at Charlottesville and I muft resign. As to your injunction not to trouble you with further communication reft assured, Sir, that I will mot re- ligiously observe it. When I parted from you at the Steam-boat, I knew that I should never see you again. As regards Sergt. Graves I did write him that letter. As to the truth of its contents, I leave it to God, and your own conscience. The time in which I wrote it was within a half hour after you had embittered every feeling of my heart againft you by your abuse of my family, and myself, under your own roof and at a time when you knew that my heart was almoft breaking. I have no more to say except that my future life (which thank God will not endure long) muft be passed in indi- gence and sickness I have no energy left, nor health, If it was possible to put up with the fatigues of this place, and the inconveniences which my absolute want of necessaries subjed: me to, and as I mentioned before it is my intention to resign For this end it will be necessary that you (as my nominal guardian) enclose me your written permission. It will be useless to refuse me this laSl request for I can leave the place without any permission your refusal would only deprive me of the little pay which is now due as mileage. 1 After the copy of this letter was made for the printed text a fragment of the original broke from the left side of the page. In repairing the damage this piece was placed by mis- take on the right side of the page. The printed text is perfect copy of the letter before the accident. [Source scan page 294] 258 EDGAR ALLAN POE LETTERS d -51 o O co ^t3 <U * < *- CO CO o CO CO H3 d .. o as a > ^d CJ 2 o d 51 o d o ~ ~ $ i I I s lffi a cd a <U CO S d o o fcJO O d CJ flj a 4- M O *r< d o O O 60 O d o o pq o <u S -5 3 - J! to O ^j oQ d O3 <0 e a won <U 4-. a O *- ctf CU d o cj d o a D <u d X2 o 4 O d d en "d <u CJ .03 MH CJ <u ^H VH 03 D ^Q ,s cS 'co o .2 ^ D h"* 4-t HH From the time of writing this I shall negled: my Studies and duties at the institution if I do not receive your answer in 10 days I will leave the point without for otherwise I should subject myself to dismission. E A Poe